It's almost the end of the year, and I will never forget 2013. This year has tried my faith, my finances, and my sanity, and though I would prefer to never do it again, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Here's my 2013 timeline of events:
-Jan. 22: Coworker at the Pharmacy is called to store manager's office, does not return
-Jan. 23: Informed that said coworker was fired due to stealing $10,000 worth of gift cards from
store
-at this point, corporate offices are staring down our throats, looking through months of
security tape, and everyone is walking on pins and needles
-Jan. 24: At a regular Dr.'s visit, the Dr. is worried about some symptoms I am experiencing, and
schedules me to see a specialist as a precaution
-Jan. 25: Another coworker gets fired due to pharmacy protocol error. It's a shame, because it
could have happened to any of us. Just an innocent mistake.
-At this point, we all think we are going to get fired. Corporate is implying threats, and the environment is more than a little stressful.
-Feb. 5: Esophogram , barium swallow at Union hospital for specialist's review
-Feb. 7: Specialist orders a colonoscopy and endoscopy to check out what is going on inside and
plan treatment for my symptoms
-Feb. 15: Colonscopy and EGD done.
-Dr. thinks he sees beginnings of Crohn's Disease, orders biopsy and such
-Feb. 19: Blood work for diagnosis
-Feb. 22-24: Went on Georgia trip to teach discipleship to a church
-Feb. 28: Officially diagnosed with Crohn's Disease
-March 14: Another barium test at hospital
-March 21: Follow up Dr. appointment, starting the trial and error process of treatment medications
-April 4: More blood work (blood work is extremely expensive)
-April 9: Another Dr.'s appointment, try new medication
-April: Some point after this, new medication reacts badly, end up in ER, developing pancreatitus
from meds
-April 18: More blood work
-April 25: Another Dr. Appointment, new medication
-May 14: Another follow up Dr. appointment to see how new med is doing
-Med was working, scheduled next appointment for 6 months later, yay!
-July: Recorded a worship CD
-Aug. 1: Got a new job at a pharmacy in Newcomerstown!
-Sep. 1: Transitioned out of the young adults worship leader role, into the Middle school leader role
-Sep. 16: Put in 2 weeks notice at pharmacy, took job at FBC as maintenance man!
-Sep. 19: Lost job at pharmacy. Pharmacy sold out to pharmacy down the street
-Sep.23: Started at FBC!
Yah, so that was my year. And that's just the highlights. This year has felt extremely long at times. And sometimes, honestly, I wan't sure if it all was worth it. Let me fill you in on what was happening behind the scenes of all these events.
In November of 2012, our church held its annual REACH missions conference. At the conference, I felt God's call on my life to be a career missionary. I did not know when, I did not know how, I just knew that He was calling me. So I said yes. It was an extremely emotional night/week, and I came off of it on a spiritual high, ready to prepare for whatever God had in store for me. We went straight from that conference to the annual Missions Focus Conference in Kansas City shortly after, the first week of 2013. I was extremely edified, encouraged, and even more excited than ever to get going for God! I was ready for anything! Little did I know that what God had in store for me was a year of "prove it".
Let me explain. When I was going through all of the above, especially in the first couple months of the year, I didn't know what to think. I was stressed. My job situation had me thinking I might lose my job, when I needed the insurance more than I had ever thought that I would. Just a couple months prior to the year starting, Brooke and I actually dropped our insurance for a lower premium and higher deductible. Now, I was diagnosed with an incurable auto-immune disease. Boy was I kicking myself.
I was mad. I was mad at myself. I was mad at God. What I see now was that He was trying me. Testing me. He was turning up the heat to see how much I would rely on Him to take care of my circumstances. At first, I didn't trust Him. I didn't realize my faith was so weak. But, after getting a beating almost every single day, I eventually gave up trying, and gave it all to God merely out of desperation and being tired. God will use whatever works to get us to surrender. He wants us to trust Him with EVERYTHING in our lives, not just some things.
You see, I think this entire year has been one gigantic test. I made a commitment to God in Nov. 2012, that I would give Him my entire life to use as a missionary, however and whenever He pleased. In 2013, God asked me, "Are you sure? Prove it."
Here's a couple ways. First off, finances. I was very proud of my finances. I'm not rich, by American standards. Not by any stretch of the imagination. But, I was 22, married, I had no debt, and I had a decent chunk of money (to a 22 year old boy) in the bank. I felt great.......I felt responsible...........I felt..........I........
That was the problem. I. I was taking care of my wife. I was providing money. I was taking care of everything. I said in my head "God take it ALL", but in my heart I said "but not my wallet". I didn't know that's how I felt. Seriously, I would have told you God had my heart and my wallet. I mean, I tithed over 10 percent every week, and gave above that to missions. I had no idea I didn't trust God with my finances.....until He took them away. In June, my bank account was almost entirely gone. I felt so helpless. My bank account was my security blanket. If anything went wrong, if anything broke, that would get me through it. And, in a sense it did. Brooke and I made it through this whole year being able to pay around $5,000 or so in medical bills with checks, not having to go in debt (yet). But, the problem was I relied on my savings account. God wanted me to rely on Him. When He took it away, I had to. I had to trust Him for everything. Because of that, my faith, and my walk with Him is stronger than it has ever been.
You know, you never realize how important prayer is, until it's literally the only option you have left. I was constantly praying everyday. Praying that God would provide, that He would get me through the day, etc. And what I saw when I started praying this much, was answered prayer! What do you know? I asked God for something, and it happened! Crazy, right? I mean, it didn't happen in my timing, but everything happened exactly when it need to. Prayer was a huge lesson learned this year. I'm telling you, we need to do that more. Way more. Like, all the time. Almost as if without ceasing....
Another way God tested me was to see where I would turn in the storms of this year. What I picture Him thinking is that, "If I'm going to send you to another country, I need to know that I can trust you. Trust you to rely on me for everything. Trust you to not give up the second something bad happens." It took a while of treading water, but eventually I let him rescue me. Lifeguards have told me that you cant save a drowning person until they give up struggling. As long as they are kicking and screaming, there is nothing they can do. They are directed to wait the victim out, until they are so weary, they give up. It is at that point the lifeguard can swoop in, and swim for them. When I finally gave up trying to save myself, God took care of it.
The biggest thing this year provided me with was faith. I now have a mile marker of faith. Whenever anything bad happens, all I have to do is recall this year. I can just think about all the crap that I had to go through, and remember how God brought me out of it. And with that confidence, God will get me through whatever gets thrown at me. I know tough times are ahead, but I'm all in guys. This year was my "prove it" year. I wasn't only proving it to God, but to myself. Sometimes, I wanted to give up and say that its not worth it. I had to prove to myself that it was. That He was. Don't make a blind promise to God and expect smooth sailing. Expect the opposite. Expect Him to turn up the heat and see if you're serious. And you know what happens to gold when you put it through the fire? The junk floats to the top, and the Worker skims it off. It gets refined. Whatever you have that makes it through the fire is all you need. God wants to refine you so that He can use you. Are you ready? Prove it.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Friday, May 24, 2013
Shadows
I don't think Jesus has a shadow.
Let me explain......
Shadows are merely the outline of an obstruction blocking light from shining.
The obstruction prevents light from shining through it, blocks it, and casts
a shadow.
God is light
Jesus is God.
So, Jesus is light.
If Jesus is light, then He produces light. He sheds light.
So, I must conclude that it is impossible for Him to cast a shadow.
His being projects light.
I wonder if He could sleep at night.
I mean, when He went to bed,
and His mom would turn out the light.
Did He glow?
Did His light conquer the darkness around Him?
Did His mere presence make the darkness retreat?
Was He a human glow stick?
I don't know,
but He definitely didn't have a shadow.
I have a shadow. It's exactly the shape of me. It's my image.
I don't produce light. But, I do block light.
I know this because on a sunny day, my shadow walks beside me.
It reminds me that I don't produce light.
It reminds me that the Light is blocked by my flesh.
My flesh prevents the Light from shining through me.
It reminds me of the darkness that is always right beside me.
It reminds me that I hinder Light's progress.
I'm an obstruction.
I want to be like the moon.
Let me explain.....
The moon sometimes gets in the way of the sun.
It, too, casts a shadow.
But that's ok.
The moon doesn't care that it blocks the sun's light.
It knows that it is not the sun.
It doesn't try to be the sun.
It doesn't try to do the sun's job.
It has its own job.
It reflects light.
The moon knows it has no light of its own.
It knows it doesn't produce light.
It actually gets in the way of the sun's light.
Rather than just blocking the sun's light,
It reflects it.
During a set time, when the Sun isn't on the earth,
it reflects the Sun's light so we can see.
When the earth is dark, the moon shines.
The moon brightens the night.
But not by its own power. Oh no,
it can't do anything on its own.
And though the Sun isn't present during the night,
the moon reflects the Sun's light. That way,
we know the Sun is still there.
We don't lose hope.
We know that soon, the night will be over,
and the Sun will come back.
The Day will come back.
The moon tells us that.
The moon is a messenger.
That's me. That's you.
We're the moon.
We cannot produce light. Actually,
in our flesh, we block light. But,
rather than just blocking God's light,
we can reflect it.
We can be the light in a dark world.
We can be the hope to a world that can't see,
that the Son is coming back.
We can tell them that.
We can show them that.
We can be a messenger.
So, the next time you look down,
and you see your shadow on the ground,
don't be discouraged.
Don't let your shadow be a reminder of what you lack,
but what you are.
You are not an obstruction.
You are a reflection.
Let your shadow remind you that you
are a tiny glimmer of light in this dark world.
Let your your shadow remind you that you
reflect the light of the Holy Son.
Let your shadow remind you that God
chose you to be His moon.
You are not an obstruction.
You are to be a reflection.
Let your shadow not be a picture of what you block,
but proof of what you have:
Jesus Christ,
the Light of the world,
living inside of your heart.
Kale Horvath
Let me explain......
Shadows are merely the outline of an obstruction blocking light from shining.
The obstruction prevents light from shining through it, blocks it, and casts
a shadow.
God is light
Jesus is God.
So, Jesus is light.
If Jesus is light, then He produces light. He sheds light.
So, I must conclude that it is impossible for Him to cast a shadow.
His being projects light.
I wonder if He could sleep at night.
I mean, when He went to bed,
and His mom would turn out the light.
Did He glow?
Did His light conquer the darkness around Him?
Did His mere presence make the darkness retreat?
Was He a human glow stick?
I don't know,
but He definitely didn't have a shadow.
I have a shadow. It's exactly the shape of me. It's my image.
I don't produce light. But, I do block light.
I know this because on a sunny day, my shadow walks beside me.
It reminds me that I don't produce light.
It reminds me that the Light is blocked by my flesh.
My flesh prevents the Light from shining through me.
It reminds me of the darkness that is always right beside me.
It reminds me that I hinder Light's progress.
I'm an obstruction.
I want to be like the moon.
Let me explain.....
The moon sometimes gets in the way of the sun.
It, too, casts a shadow.
But that's ok.
The moon doesn't care that it blocks the sun's light.
It knows that it is not the sun.
It doesn't try to be the sun.
It doesn't try to do the sun's job.
It has its own job.
It reflects light.
The moon knows it has no light of its own.
It knows it doesn't produce light.
It actually gets in the way of the sun's light.
Rather than just blocking the sun's light,
It reflects it.
During a set time, when the Sun isn't on the earth,
it reflects the Sun's light so we can see.
When the earth is dark, the moon shines.
The moon brightens the night.
But not by its own power. Oh no,
it can't do anything on its own.
And though the Sun isn't present during the night,
the moon reflects the Sun's light. That way,
we know the Sun is still there.
We don't lose hope.
We know that soon, the night will be over,
and the Sun will come back.
The Day will come back.
The moon tells us that.
The moon is a messenger.
That's me. That's you.
We're the moon.
We cannot produce light. Actually,
in our flesh, we block light. But,
rather than just blocking God's light,
we can reflect it.
We can be the light in a dark world.
We can be the hope to a world that can't see,
that the Son is coming back.
We can tell them that.
We can show them that.
We can be a messenger.
So, the next time you look down,
and you see your shadow on the ground,
don't be discouraged.
Don't let your shadow be a reminder of what you lack,
but what you are.
You are not an obstruction.
You are a reflection.
Let your shadow remind you that you
are a tiny glimmer of light in this dark world.
Let your your shadow remind you that you
reflect the light of the Holy Son.
Let your shadow remind you that God
chose you to be His moon.
You are not an obstruction.
You are to be a reflection.
Let your shadow not be a picture of what you block,
but proof of what you have:
Jesus Christ,
the Light of the world,
living inside of your heart.
Kale Horvath
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Temperance: On the Path to Godliness
tem·per·ance
[tem-per-uhns, tem-pruhns] Show IPA
noun
1.
moderation or self-restraint in action, statement, etc.; self-control.
2.
habitual moderation in the indulgence of a natural appetite or passion
Key word: moderation. Self-control. This is where I'm at. If you have a minute, I'd like to let you peer down into the life that is Kale, and see what I'm learning. I'm not pretending to be an expert, actually I'm not even quite sure I'm doing it right, but this is what God is showing me in my life.
2 Peter 1:5-8:
5 And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge;
6 And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;
7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.
8 For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Here, we find God, through Peter, outlining 7 steps (or stages) of spiritual maturity. After dividing the Word properly, we can learn why these steps should be followed in order. For instance, adding too much knowledge to your faith right after salvation, before virtue, can result in a big-headed, bridge-burning.....well.....jerk. 1 Corinthians 8:1 says that 'knowledge puffeth up, but charity edifieth'. This would be like giving a large sword to a young teenager who doesn't know how to use the sword, only that the sword is in his possession. There is a natural progression of growth in Christ.
Now, I'm going to skip ahead here. To temperance. Notice, that temperance comes before patience. I'll get to that later, but here's what is going down in my life:
1. I'm married.
2. I work full time
3. I like to work out, stay fit, go to the gym
4. I play on the worship team, and go to church every Sunday
5. I lead a worship team on tuesday nights
6. I disciple one young man
7. I go to school for theology
8. I spend time with God
9. I sleep at night
10. Did i mention I'm married?
You see, I have alot on my plate. Now I realize that I probably am not even close to having the busiest schedule. So hopefully, the following will help you as well!
I have a full time job, which I utilize to support myself and my wife. That takes up most of my day. This is a priority. I used to stare at the clock at work and think ' I cant wait until I get out of here so I can get to my real job, my ministry, to what God has really called me to do.' This was not Godly thinking. Although I am going to school with hopes of being a pastor, I cannot blow off my job because I would rather "be doing ministry". I have learned, that my ministry is at work 40 hours per week. Rather than "prioritizing" my schedule during work, I need to focus on being a light, and a witness at work. Colossians 3 tells us to do everything as unto the Lord, for we serve Christ.
Temperance, to me, is learning to take what God has already entrusted me with, and wisely using them for God's glory! I used to think that I needed to learn to be 'patient' as I waited on God to give me a ministry position. Patience is hard! It is not a natural action for humans! And trying to, led to me being fake about it, and not have the right attitude. I guess what I was hoping was that if God heard me say 'Look God! I'm content! I'm patient! I can wait!' That he would give me what i wanted. But, what i learned, is that first I must learn to 'temper' my schedule, and my priorities!
God says in Colossians 4:17 to "....take heed to to the ministry which thou hast recieved in the Lord, that thou fulfill it." Now that I realize that where ever God has me employed, that is my ministry. Those people (employees, customers, patients) are the harvest, white and ready to be reaped! I need to take heed to that ministry, and fulfill it without worrying about what is next. You see, I was trying my hardest to make myself patient! But that was wrong! As i follow the natural progression of God's growth, and learn to temper, and manage the ministry and responsibility God has placed in my life, I have naturally become patient! It's crazy, but if we just let God work in us, and draw closer to Him, He will provide the increase in our lives. We cannot make ourselves grow. Only He can.
I've left a lot out, such as the worship team I lead, and the growing ministry there, but thats not the point. As my best friend Nick Roth says,
Listen, here's the deal:
If you want to grow in your faith, and want to be used by God, quit trying. Yep. That's it. Stop it. You are nothing. I am nothing. Without God, all our talents, and works and accomplishments are filthy rags. If you want to be used by God, if you want to grow, draw closer to Him. Spend time with Him, and surrender EVERYTHING to Him. Trust me, this is happening in my life right now. Temperance leads to patience, and consequently, patience will lead to a contentment that is only found in Christ.
1 Timothy 6:6 - "But godliness with contentment is great gain."
Well what do you know, in 2 Peter 1, godliness is what comes after patience. ;)
Laterzzz
Undeserving to breathe air,
Kale
1 Timothy 6:6 - "But godliness with contentment is great gain."
Well what do you know, in 2 Peter 1, godliness is what comes after patience. ;)
Laterzzz
Undeserving to breathe air,
Kale
Monday, August 27, 2012
Kale Knows Cabbage
Hey guys. Im starting a blog. I really don't care if anyone reads it or not. It's more like a personal journal for me. I'm going to pen my thoughts of new movies, also some guitar stuff and worship tones and effects pedal reviews, but mostly just what God is teaching me in my personal life. So, if you want a look into the inner machinations of my mind, here it is. If not, cool bro.
So, here is a condensed version of what I just described:
Movie- Hunger Games- Wicked awesome. Worth the watch. Matches the book word for word.
(***disclaimer- I did not read the book)
Guitar- Working on a new project guitar. SG; in paint now. Going to have a satin white finish, with all black
hardware. Pick-ups, not sure, any ideas?
Pedal Review- Boss EQ7 , 7 band eq pedal. Effective, yet a tone sucker. Very noisy, must be gated. I hear
there is a mod for it which corrects the preceding, although I have not tried it. MXR dyna
comp is MUCH better, although it is just as noisy. I currently have the MXR super comp
in the mail. I will review that in detail when i get it.
Bible/God stuff- Recently taught Matt. 14 to the middle schoolers. God showed me so much through the story of God walking on the water during the storm on the sea. I will probably blog about this later, so here is my favorite point.
"Don't focus on the circumstances that you cannot control during a storm. Often, a storm will come after a great victory, and while you are going precisely where God told you to go. But, focus on Christ. He is present in the storm. Sometimes, you must jump directly into the fear separating you from Christ. But jump, in faith. Run to Him, and don't take your eyes off of Him to look at the storm. If you stop focusing on Him, you will start to sink. You will get a little wet. God will let you get wet, but He won't let you drown"
--Kale (self quote, haha)
Yep, so that's it. I will check spelling, and grammar, and all that junk in future posts. But right now, it's time for me to go hang out with my beautiful wife, and catch some Zzzzz's.
Laterzzz.
Undeserving to breathe air,
Kale
So, here is a condensed version of what I just described:
Movie- Hunger Games- Wicked awesome. Worth the watch. Matches the book word for word.
(***disclaimer- I did not read the book)
Guitar- Working on a new project guitar. SG; in paint now. Going to have a satin white finish, with all black
hardware. Pick-ups, not sure, any ideas?
Pedal Review- Boss EQ7 , 7 band eq pedal. Effective, yet a tone sucker. Very noisy, must be gated. I hear
there is a mod for it which corrects the preceding, although I have not tried it. MXR dyna
comp is MUCH better, although it is just as noisy. I currently have the MXR super comp
in the mail. I will review that in detail when i get it.
Bible/God stuff- Recently taught Matt. 14 to the middle schoolers. God showed me so much through the story of God walking on the water during the storm on the sea. I will probably blog about this later, so here is my favorite point.
"Don't focus on the circumstances that you cannot control during a storm. Often, a storm will come after a great victory, and while you are going precisely where God told you to go. But, focus on Christ. He is present in the storm. Sometimes, you must jump directly into the fear separating you from Christ. But jump, in faith. Run to Him, and don't take your eyes off of Him to look at the storm. If you stop focusing on Him, you will start to sink. You will get a little wet. God will let you get wet, but He won't let you drown"
--Kale (self quote, haha)
Yep, so that's it. I will check spelling, and grammar, and all that junk in future posts. But right now, it's time for me to go hang out with my beautiful wife, and catch some Zzzzz's.
Laterzzz.
Undeserving to breathe air,
Kale
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